hell yeah

Life is tough recently.

My broken car that cant be fix even i send to workshop twice.
Alwez going and back from work with worried heart.
My pocket is kosong and christmas is approaching.
Wish to leave this place and company but my own saving is not much.
Furthermore, never really dare to step out of my safe haven right now.

I see many bitches bragging about their boyfren buying them luxury bag every month.
It demotivated me even more. I never really afford to buy this kind of things to my gf.
She never force me to buy for her but i can see through her eyes, she really envy them.

My career is not improving much lately. I work like a dog who swallow all the bitterness
myself. Pressure from superior and harsh word from my inferior. Never really confess my problems because people around me have their own trouble too. And i do understand, that is my job. I wish to quit but i know that is not the ultimate solution too.

Since small, i have very good temper. Never really get piss off or angry and i easily forgive people. But this trait seems to be my biggest weakness when i reach adulthood. People tend to
take granted of me. I know it but i am too weak to counter them and alwez giving myself excuse.

I wish everything will fine when i wake up tomorrow morning.

My gf smiling happily greeting me farewell for work,

My car is fine and running smoothly,

All my colleagues laughing and working without pressure,

My superior praising me for my performance

and so on and so on...



cheers

depress

depressing bcoz i am someone who is fear of everything, a coward who fear of trouble. a weakling who cant protect her. i am just another normal nerdy who works very hard just to earn some money so that i can pay up my commitment and sometime cant even have enough money to buy something i really like. someone who put up a smile face eventhough he is hurt within. someone who has to said ok to boss just to protect his job and reputation. someone who is not as good as her fren's boyfriend who can protect his gf in a stupid pub. i am fucking depress. i am being compared to someone who is better than me since my childhood. i am just another shadow of my brother and sister, a shadow of my best friend and a shadow of every "good boyfriend". no matter how good i am, i just someone who is not good enough. i am not a good son, i am not a good brother, i am not a good friend, i am not a good person and i am not a good boyfriend. I already can assume that in the future, i am not a good husband and i am not a good father. ok, dats all. cheers everyone.

when i talk rubbish

"talk is easier than do"

I alwez get bombard by this sentence when i am giving advice.

what a typical chinese thinking ~

DO FIRST THAN TALK LA~!!!

Not telling you to go die, or jump into shit hole.


"talk but never do"

another bad culture~!!!

DO FIRST THAN TALK LA~!!!

talk so much for what, waste my time only. better go mamak and drink kopi-o.



"talk and never talk again"

this is when i tell people to do before talk,

then when i try do and end up failing,

i never talk about it again.

blindly

walk blindly in my life~

walk blindly in my life~

walk blindly in my life~

walk blindly in my life~

duppPpppp~~

Fell into deep shit~

Climb back, walk the other side of the road~

continue walk blindly in my life~

continue walk blindly in my life~

continue walk blindly in my life~

Hope this time wont fell into shit hole agaIIiinn...(not even finish my sentence)

dupPPpppp~~

fell into deeper shit~

perfect man

..............

My feeling now is empty~ or.. i just dissappointed on myself...
I already try my best to be the perfect man~ but i am not.

I will never be~

I am trying to control my emotion, surpress my temper
but sometimes, i just burst out~

and again dissappointed her~

I am never a romantic man,
I am never a sensitive man~

I think i really need to think deeply about myself.
Think about my weakness and try to fix it.

i am~...




Sorry.

Buncit-man wants to go travel

Everyday in my life, i have to made decision on whats to eat and where to eat. I will argue with friends, my girlfriend and sometimes complaining for eating the same stuff everyday.Hahaha. It is quite irony isnt it when poor people all around this world still suffer in starvation. They will just eat anything to keep survive. This situation proved that i am a one of the lucky person in this world who live in a war free and starvation free country.

I am talking about all this crap because recently i gain a lot of weight. My perut buncit is becoming more obvious day by day. Hmm.. i kinda sad actually but never take any action to prevent it but still eat a lot of junk food and coffee. Whahahahaha. I become kinda like gluttony when suddenly something strike my attention. I saw a skinny african child on internet and started to feel guilty about it. Maybe i should start to control myself before i become really really fat. Hahahahhaha.

By the way, i miss my mom's cooking. Hehehe. I always appreciate her when she cooks for the family. My sister and brother will complaint bout how tasteless the food she prepare, but for me, her food will alwez the best. Nowaday, she is too busy to cook for us already, sobs~ i miss her cooking. (especially the porridge eventhough my father hates it)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is 2am already, my heart is reluctant to go for bed but my eyes and mind is giving up and all those worry about my work is still flashing in my mind. This few months maybe is the toughest ever since i step into the working nation. I have been under pressure because i am performing under the expectation. I started to lose the motivation and passion. Maybe i am still not mature enough to handle all this kind of issue and problems.

I am alwez the type that is happy go lucky. But there is too much bad stuff happens to me recently. (really a bit sueh). Bak kata orang tua tua " bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga". Even my car is giving me problems. Tayar pancit la, seat belt rosak la, engin rosak la and then kena chop by those mechanics la. Somemore my gf's birthday and christmas is near. All my savings for the present already gave to the palia mechanic. Sigh~ My friends alwez tell me to buy stuff to reward for myself for all the hardwork, but i really dont have the chances. My initial planning for buying a handphone is vanished and i have to use my sister's old and outdated phone. My dream for having a levis jeans is almost become a real dream. Sigh~ Maybe i should really learn how to organize my own financial and life. It is getting more miserable day by day.

I wanted to go travel... i want to go Bali, i want to go Europe~ i want to leave all those work behind and play as much as i can. Maybe now it seems ridiculous, but 1 day, i promise that you can see the picture of me and my gf standing in front of the eiffiel tower, smiling and posing with the "V" sign on our finger, while the scarf comfortably coiling around our neck. Hehehehe.



"Senyuman itu bagaikan titian yang membawa bahagia" - quote of the day

It aint so bad anyway

I am in dilemma recently~ Keeps thinking of where will my future lies. I have been in my company for almost 2years, learning about making game's environment(mostly is modeling and texturing). I do admit that my speed, technique and skill improve termendously during my 2years period but until recently, i feel kinda like doing the same thing all over again.


It is so routine~
8am wake up
9am reach office
1pm lunch
8pm out office
9pm dinner
10pm reach home
12pm sleep

I am getting demotivated day by day. My passion toward this job starts to fade from my blood.
I do try to look at the mirror~ talks and motivate myself. But it doesnt seems to work. I wish i could buy my favourite stuff to makes my mood better, but i just cant save enough money. I wish i could save money to go travel, but at the end of the month, i will ended up pokai.

I do love my job, but where will it brings me? From junior artist to artist, from artist to senior? Will i forever be an employee? Gaining a stable but low salary? Works more than 8hours everyday?

I really wish 1 day i can just leave every commitment behind me and live freely~~~~


SNAP*!
Hey, i have to back to the reality! Hahahaha~ Sorry for wasting few minutes of your precious time reading to my ranting and whining. My life currently seems to be quite pathetic, but actually, if you looks at the other perspective, it aint so bad anyway. At least i have my babe around me, a warm family and a nice comfy bed. (I am not kidding, my bed is the most comfortable place is this world) Hehehe. I think what i should do now is kerja rajin rajin while waiting if got good opportunity come.

When i was unhappy, i will look at the star in the sky. Then i will tell myself that this universe is so large and big that my problem cant even fit a pixel on it, so why bother. This works sometimes eventhough
it is quite lame. lolz.



I am being in a stressful situation lately but my mood is getting better already.

Selamat Hari Raya

Hello hello~ Hari raya is near~ very near indeed, so i want to greet all the muslim Happy Raya Aidilfitri~!

Hmm~ its been over a year since i abandoned this blog. Now i am back with my lame english and jokes. But i will try to improve my english from time to time. Please bear with me because patience is virtue. Hehe.










I love this gorilla a lot. Anyone came across it, please tell me.